My dear friend,
One night after a school function, I told my son to go ahead and take the front seat in our pickup so he and my hubby could talk on the way home. This is not the normal seating arrangement when my husband, children, and I are in a vehicle. My husband drives, I look absent-mindedly out the window from the front passenger seat, and my kids harass each other in the back seat.
But this night was meant to be different. And by the end of the next 24 hours, I would realize God was the one who was behind the change in seating. Part way home, I felt the nudge to act on something I had been hearing about recently. God wanted me to let Him into some of my painful memories. He wanted me to invite and welcome His Presence into memories I was embarrassed about, ashamed over, and, frankly trying to forget.
I was aware He already knew every detail of these memories as He knows everything about everything. But the idea of purposely inviting Him into them and being there WITH Him caused me hesitation. This was different from Him knowing about these things. God wanted me to ask Him to touch them. That meant we BOTH would have to be right in the middle of the memory at the SAME time, and they were not somewhere I wanted to hang out. Especially with someone else.
I knew if we were both there together something would happen. Even though I know God loves me, I was not completely sure what to expect. And I did not want to be in the back seat of the pickup with other people around when whatever it was happened. What if I started crying?!! So I waited…
Later that night I was alone in my room when I decided to give it a go. Honestly, it took me a few attempts before I could get all the words out, “Lord, I invite Your Presence into (memory). I ask You to heal it and free me from any holds I gave to the enemy through it. I commit this (memory) to You.” I did this with three memories. Then as it was late, I was emotionally spent, and I was already all cuddled up in bed, I fell asleep.
The next day as I brought up the memories I realized I could only remember one of the three memories I committed to the Lord. What were the other two I allowed God in on again? Did He erase those other two memories? I do not know, though I am sure God could if He thought it needed to be done. What I would easily acknowledge is that He brought such healing to them, they no longer stood out in the midst of any other memory I had. The one I did remember did not sting like before. The shame attached to it was gone. God changed the way it affected me as I recalled it. It was there, but I was no longer emotionally moved by it.
That victory gave me courage to talk to God about it later that day while I was pulling weeds outside. I told Jesus what bothered me about the memory I remembered was other people were there and involved–other people saw and knew of my shame. Then that quiet voice said, “I understand.”
There is a deep knowing and clarity that comes when Jesus speaks. That short response said so much. I was reminded of Him dying a humiliating, excruciating death reserved for the worst of criminals. I was reminded, not only was He beaten, but His wounds and body were exposed to people. There was no covering or hiding for Him, no running away and suffering privately. Some onlookers loved Him, some were curious about Him, and some were glad to see Him die. The drawn out death He was experiencing was meant to be shameful…and public. Yes, He knew about shame. Public shame. He did understand.
Jesus did not reprimand me for my stupidity. He did not point out my guilt in contrast to His innocence. He did not add to my embarrassment. He did not tell me what I should have done. He drew me close with His compassion and enveloped me in His love. Years ago I had asked for His forgiveness which He freely gave. But as I now gave Him permission to enter into that hurting space, He brought me healing and wholeness.
Hebrews 12:2 (ESV) says, “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Emphasis added.)
Jesus faced and overcame shame–He can help us do the same. Is there anything you want to invite His Presence into? Ask God to bring a memory to mind that He wants to address. Nothing coming to mind? Is there anything that makes you cringe or you would like to forget? Or if there is anything the enemy taunts you with, holds over your head, and slows you down with, well, that is a good place to start as well.
Next invite God to enter that memory, giving Him permission to do what He needs to in order to bring you freedom and healing. Tell the enemy you are revoking any rights he has because of this situation through the authority you have in and through Jesus Christ. Then commit this “territory” to God, giving Him ownership. Then “check” that memory again. Has anything changed?
If you notice there is still something about the memory that stirs up some hard emotions, go through the process again. Ask God if there is another part of the memory that needs to be dealt with. Sometimes one memory may hold more than one “injury”: shame, rejection, bitterness, etc. Healing may come in one swoop or in layers. Continue pursuing wholeness in Christ, not hesitating to bring the most ugly parts of your life to Him.
As I am typing this, Psalm 34:18 (ESV) came to mind. It says,
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Maybe your heart was broken years ago or maybe it has been merely minutes. Maybe you carry remorse over something you did. God is at hand. He is gentle and kind. Do not hesitate to go with Him into the hard places.
Taking the hand of Jesus,
Candace
P.S. If you have time, I encourage you to read all of Psalm 34. Remember, if you have placed your faith in Jesus, you are one of the righteous. Praise God.
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